Who is really The Boss?

There’s an old joke about constipation that’s been ‘knocked around the ridges’ for several years now, and it goes something like this:

When God first made man, all the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled all the parts of the body, he should be boss. The legs argued that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss. The stomach countered with the explanation that since he digested all the food, he should be boss. The eyes said that because they were the most beautiful part of the body, and without them man wouldn’t be able to see where to go, they should be boss. The hands said, “since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss.” And so it went with the the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.

And then the asshole applied for the job.

Well; all the other parts of the body laughed so hard at this, that the asshole became mad and closed up.

After a few days;

The brain went foggy, the legs got wobbly, the hands got weak, the stomach got ill, and the eyes got all blood-shot and unable to see. So they all conceded and made the asshole boss.

This proves that you don’t have to be good looking or a brain to be boss;

Just an Asshole.

Alternative Moral:

‘No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single asshole’.

Now we all laugh; because at some stage or other most of us have encountered the Boss who was a real asshole. Most jokes do include an element of truth; after all, that is what usually makes them so funny!

In the case of this particular joke it is especially true: constipation is an ongoing daily ‘bugbear’ for countless people of all nationalities and cultures. Not eliminating waste efficiently will lead to toxins accumulating in the body, resulting in eventually being poisoned by our own waste.

WHY?

Once again, while some people are continually plagued by this complaint, other folks (as we saw in our last news post) have the exact opposite affliction; at times – almost akin to diarrhea. While most people have fairly efficient elimination, a percentage of the population do have what is commonly referred to as a “stubborn or sluggish bowel”. The last few feet of our lower intestine is where the drying or extraction of excess moisture from ‘what was our food’ takes place. If this waste stays in our lower intestine too long, too much drying can take place leading to compacted, hard stools that can become very difficult to pass. Anybody who has taken painkillers in the form of codeine for an extended period will know exactly what I mean here: sometimes the stool becomes so compacted and hard it is like you’ve got a Pineapple up there! Left unchecked this can lead to serious medical conditions like diverticulitis and hemorrhoids. Diverticulitis is the condition where parts of our bowel become prolapsed or develop “pockets’ that can trap waste where it sits and ferments causing abdominal bloating, pain, discomfort, and occasionally if they burst: peritonitis. This is an extremely urgent life-threatening situation where contents of the bowel enter the stomach cavity. When this happens, you have a matter of minutes (not hours) to get to a surgery where doctors will hopefully be in time to save your life.

Hemorrhoids while rarely life threatening, are a continual source of discomfort and annoyance to millions of people. They are actually prolapsed or swollen blood vessels, at or just inside the anal opening. Commonly caused by constipation (and often childbirth in women) where excessive pressure is exerted to either pass a stool or, (in the case of childbirth) bring a new life into the world. Hemorrhoids can occasionally bleed so frequently that the continual loss of blood can cause anemia.

What to do:

Drinking more water is one of the best solutions, especially first thing in the morning. As soon as you get up, drink a large glass of water. I personally follow this up almost immediately with a cup of tea – yeah, I am addicted to tea, and if you think you’re not – just try going without for a week! Many people can vouch for the water cure (and the cup of tea) as a great aid to get that sluggish bowel moving in the morning. Regular intake of fibre or ‘bulk’ in the form of slippery elm or psyllium husk (Metamucil) can also be a great aid in maintaining regularity.

Both constipation and hemorrhoids can be alleviated considerably by using an effective bidet. With hemorrhoids; cleaning afterwards with water will greatly ease the discomfort and bleeding that frequently accompanies this condition, plus it cleans the area so much better than just dry paper. We will look at this more closely in a future post, but for now let’s concentrate on the common cause of hemorrhoids; constipation.

Here’s a link to an excellent video by a leading Korean bidet Seat manufacturer, showing extremely well how the enema washing function from a bidet seat can work to ease constipation. While the English narration is not the best, I warn beforehand that some of the actual photos of medical conditions caused by constipation are well – explicit: iZen Video

Got the idea? Cough-cough! Depending on your climate; a bidet that dispenses warm water is usually superior to just cold when used for this purpose. Cold water has a toning and strengthening effect, warm water a relaxing and loosening effect – just what we want for assistance in moving that “Pineapple”. The water jet(s) should also be rather fine with sufficient pressure to allow effective penetration into the lower 50-100 mm of the colon, providing the all important lubrication neccesary to get that ‘log jam’ moving again. We ourselves have used the iZen bidet seat as shown on the video, and can vouch for the effectiveness of the “spinning water stream”. However other models with a straight stream of water do seem to work just as effectively, (as in more expensive iZen models) so I tend to think it is more of a promotional gimmick than anything else.

We are now selling an electronic bidet seat which we believe strikes the perfect balance between: price, quality, effectiveness and complexity. Here’s a preview:

Price: $479.00

Newsletter subscribers do get the opportunity to purchase products like this Bidet Seat, at substantially discounted prices for limited times only.

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